Get It Right

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin under
Just tryin to help out everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

Chorus
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Cause my best intentions keep makin a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again, with my fate again
Cause I can't go back and endure this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes,
But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this

Chorus
What can you do when you're good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Coz my best intentions keep makin a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to
Get it right?

Bridge
So I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send down a wish and I'll send up a prayer
And finally someone will see how much I care

Chorus
What can you do when you're good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down?
My best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take? Oooh
How many times will it take for me
To get it right, to get it right?

A Short Tale

Once upon a time there was a hyperactive 7 year old boy who could never sit still in class. He was lucky enough to have an amazing 1st grade teacher who believed in him and knew how to channel his energies in a positive manner. She always encouraged his creativity & always was very positive with him. The year passed and it was time for the first grade play. The 7 year old boys class was doing Cinderella. All the roles were being given out & at last the boy heard his name and that he would be playing Prince Charming! Neither he nor the teacher knew it, but that would totally change this boy & make his future a bright one! The performance came & despite one minor mishap (aforementioned Prince Charming tripping down the stairs) everything went well. The teacher was very proud of the boy & made him promise that when he got his first Oscar, he would mention her in the acceptance speech. He of course promised her that he would. The years went by and the boy and the teacher kept in touch. He always let her know what was going on & how much he loved performing. He was always excited to see her when he did & she would always tell him that he was one of her favorite students. This always meant so much to the boy, turned young man, then young adult.

Mrs. Losch, you inspired me to always be the best Christopher I could be. You dealt with me when I was out of control & difficult & you helped me channel my energies in positive ways. I will forever be in debt to you for your love, kindness, & generosity. Thank you for inspiring me to perform & reach for the stars! You will always have a special place in my heart & in my memories!

Been a while

It's been a while since I have blogged and a lot has happened in my life. I am not very good at keeping up with this so my goal is to become better and just update at least once a week. If I can do that it will be a win in my book.

I moved to Jacksonville about 7 months ago looking for a change of pace and found a job at a local bank, which I loved. This was my first time I have ever lived by myself out on my own. It was a totally new experience for me and I loved it. I moved into a nice quiet apartment that had plenty of room. I was getting more active and making new friends and enjoying my new life. Things continued to go well in Jacksonville, but as the months went on I realized I missed my family a lot and came to the conclusion that my job was the one thing keeping me in Jacksonville. I missed Gainesville(kinda surprised) & missed seeing my family. When I originally moved to Jacksonville, my hope was to go home to Gainesville every other weekend. That didn't happen like I wanted it to and I really starting missing my family especially my 7 nieces and nephews.

A few weeks ago things changed. I ended up being laid off at work and saw this as my opportunity to move on and find another new beginning. As much as I like Jacksonville, it is too far from my immediate family. Something to understand about my family is that we are extremely close. Some people might thing oddly close, but I have a hard time being away from them for extended periods of time. I have always wanted to live in Orlando & be as close to Disney as I can be. My older sister Gladys & her family live there and I would love to be there and be able to spend more time with her & her kids. This would also mean that I am closer to my parents & brother and his family in Gainesville.

I think my favorite thing right now is being an uncle. I have 7 beautiful nieces and nephews who love me, & look up to me. Nothing is better than entering a room & hearing the words "Uncle Chris" and then being hugged by each and every one of them. They range in age from 9 years to 7 months and they are all amazing. I am looking forward to spending time with all of them in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.

I guess that's all for now...gonna continue going through my stuff and try to get rid of things so that moving will be easier this time around!

Can't sleep and decided to write some thoughts

So I have been thinking a lot about my life lately and some thoughts have come to my mind. I often get chastised by my family for being too public and sharing thoughts and feelings I have. For me writing is very therapeutic...I am an impulsive person and sometimes I just have to get my feelings out there and bounce ideas off of people. I have been doing some self-evaluation lately and am very happy with how my life is going and where I am in my life. Although I wonder about how things would be if I would have stayed in Charlotte or if Shell and I would have stayed married or whatever it may be. Now don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my life and the opportunities that are presenting themselves down here. Sometimes I just miss having someone to wake up to, I miss having a place of my own and being out on my own. I love my family very much and am so grateful for the support they have given me, not only these last 2-3 years, but my whole life.

It's not easy being divorced...especially in the church. I remember after Shell and I were separated and I moved and was in a different ward and people would ask where my wife was and when I told them I was separated they would end the conversation and moved on. It's like that part in "Singles Ward" when Jonathan is talking about have a "recall" sign on his forehead. Divorce is not an easy thing. It's something that I pray that my friends and family will never have to feel the pain of. Now those that know me well know that I am a very emotional person, which often leaves me vulnerable. I am not afraid to share my thoughts and feelings with people, even total strangers. This is going to be a very random note and will probably be all over the place. I think I am mostly writing this for myself, which I often do, but this is something that I just wanted to do.

Lately I have felt the urge to move...to leave where I am right now and just take some time for myself. I feel like I am not where I need to be. Like I am missing where I need to be. I have been praying for the last few weeks as to where I need to be but haven't felt like I've gotten an answer. Maybe I'm just not listening well enough. I dunno. Like I said this is gonna be very random, seeing as it is almost 3 am and all. I am a nice guy, always the nice guy, always the friend. I don't wanna be the friend. I wanna be the guy that the girls want to date. I want to be the person people want to be around. I just wanna have someone that cares about me and that I care about. I see how happy my siblings are in their marriages, how happy my friends who are married are. Even those in relationships. I want that. Is it bad to want that? I didn't really have that when I was married. I always felt like I was constantly giving with out receiving anything in return. I became someone who I wasn't and it took me a while to get back to myself. I finally feel like I am back to being myself again. I feel like I am happy with who I am. Now there are things that I am working on as far as improving myself, but I believe that's what life is about. Daily improving...making ourselves the best we can be. My parents are amazing people. Those of yo who know them can definitely agree to this. They did everything they could while Laly, Joe and I were growing up, to make sure we had what we needed. Especially spiritually. My parents are the best example I can think of whenever it comes to being Christlike. They raised my sister, brother, and I in ways that many people could call old fashioned, but ways I am grateful for. I wasn't the easiest or cheapest child, teen, or even adult. My parents had to deal with a lot with me. I think I am probably one of the main reasons my dad is bald...lol...but they not once complained about helping me with all the hospital bills, tickets, 3 colleges, bills, maxed out credit cards or anything like that. I am truly blessed. I love my siblings. They are truly amazing. Joe is the best brother any one could ask for. He has always been my protector and guide and one of the first people I turn to when I need guidance or help. He and I have had our moments in the past, but he is one of my best friends and I would NEVER trade him for any other brother. He and I are polar opposites in many things, and that has led to a few misunderstandings, but the one thing about Joe is he has ALWAYS tried to understand me and what I am going through. I am so grateful to not only have him as my brother, but as my best friend. Laly and I are a little farther apart in age, but that never stopped us from doing things together or hanging out. In face I think the two car accidents Laly had in her first car, I was with her. Lol. She and I are more similar in the things we have gone through. I think it has been a little easier for her to understand me and what I go through since she also has ADD. I love my sister and the wonderful person she is. I also have an amazing brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Paul, Laly's husband, is a great example of an amazing husband and father. He has always been very patient with me when I've had my issues and has taught me a lot. Lacy, Joe's wife, is always there when I need someone to talk to and to just listen when I talk. She is always willing to just let me talk and just listen. I am grateful for that. I have the best mother in the world. I believe that my mother is the most self-less person I can think of, next to the Savior. She deals with a crippling disease every day, but never complains about how much she is hurting. She is always ALWAYS willing to help others, even if it's not convenient for her. My mom is one of the sweetest, most beautiful perple ever. Inside and out. She is always fighting for me and encouraging me to be better. Even if I don't always appreciate it.I hope that when I get remarried one day that I can find a woman that has the same amazing qualities and my amazing mom. Now I am definitely my father's son. I am truly grateful for my dad. He is often able to vocalize things for me when I can't say them myself. I often marvel how he knows what I need to say at times when I can't. I hope to be half the man and father that my dad is.

I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who truly love me and care about me. Now I know everyone goes through moments when they want someone there and want to have a significant other. Lately that's how I have been feeling. I don't feel like I need one to get by, but I feel like I am truly ready to be in a relationship again. I feel like I can give of myself to another person. I have truly been able to learn to love myself again over the last 2 years now and have so many people to thank for that. I think I can finally get some sleep now. :D Writing is very therapeutic. I have thought about writing a book and have some ideas jotted down in a notebook. I also want to get back into song writing. I think I'm gonna start working on that this weekend. Anyway I think it's time to shut off the Laptop and head to bed so I'm not exhausted in the morning. Night

Wednesday

So this Wednesday would have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. I try not to think about it and I have been trying to keep myself busy so it isn't on my mind, but every now and then, little thoughts seep in. I hope this will be the last year that I look at April 30th as a day with any significance in my life. I have been doing really well the last few months with finding myself again, loving myself again, and I know I owe much of it to my family who has been an amazing support to me. They have been there and listened, and talked, and loved, and counseled, and cried with me. I feel so much gratitude to have the family I do. I also appreciate all my friends who have been there for me during the times where it seems like all I do is complain. The counsel and help that has been offered has been greatly appreciated. I look back at the last year and think about how different my life would be if I would have stayed up in North Carolina. It worries me a bit. Then I think about how much I have progressed in the last 9 months that I have been home. I have a great job at the radio station, get to also work with my dad and brother, and get to perform again. Performing has always been a good de-stressor for me. I like escaping myself and becoming someone else. It's good for me. Helps me forget things sometimes.
Anyway...thought I would update.

It's time for an update

So since I haven't updated in a while, I thought I would take some time and update about what has been going on. So here we go.....

For the last two months or so, I haven't had very much free time and there's a few reasons why. I have been doing a play at the High Springs Community Theatre. It's called Prelude To A Kiss, and I am playing the lead role of Peter. On top of doing the show, I was also given more hours at the radio station, am working at the family business to help out a little, and I was cast to be Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music at the Star Center Children's Theatre. I am excited about it.

Life is going well and things are less stressful and more happy right now. Hopefully it will stay this way. :D

Song I wrote

Tristan and I are gonna record the song as soon as we can. There have been some changes made and it sounds really good.